From Assumption to Agreement: Better Communication
From Assumption to Agreement: Turning Unspoken Expectations into Shared Understanding at Work
Have you ever walked away from a conversation thinking you were 100% on the same page, only to find out later… you weren’t even reading the same book?
This happens all the time in the workplace—and not because people are careless or trying to be difficult. It’s often because we’re operating on psychological contracts rather than actual agreements.
Psychological contracts are those unspoken rules and expectations we carry about work. Things like:
- What it means to “be professional”
- How quickly someone should reply to an email
- What “being a team player” looks like
- Or my personal favourite: what it means to arrive “on time”
When everyone has the same understanding, things run smoothly. But more often than not, we assume we’ve got shared meaning… when we haven’t.
A Real-Life Example: When “On Time” Isn’t the Same for Everyone
Years ago, I led a team that valued punctuality. We all agreed it was important to be “on time.” No issues there, right?
Except, over time, I found myself feeling increasingly frustrated. I’d show up ready to start at 9am sharp—laptop open, coffee made, ready to go. Meanwhile, some team members were still arriving, chatting, sorting their breakfast, or slowly settling in around 9:05 or 9:10.
They weren’t being lazy or disrespectful. Their interpretation of “on time” was simply different to mine. For them, it meant roughly around the start time—within a few minutes was close enough. For me, it meant ready to go at the exact time.
What we had was a psychological agreement, but not a shared, explicit agreement.
Once we sat down and clarified what “on time” actually meant in our team—and wrote it down—things shifted. Not just around punctuality, but in the way we communicated expectations more broadly.
Why This Matters More Than Ever
In a world of hybrid work, flexible schedules, cross-functional teams, and constant change, assumptions can quietly erode trust, performance, and morale.
When psychological contracts are left unspoken:
- Employees feel confused or micromanaged.
- Leaders feel let down or resentful.
- Teams experience unnecessary friction and tension.
But when expectations are made clear—and ideally written down—people feel safer, more confident, and more aligned.
As I often say in workshops: Clear is kind. Assumptions are not.
From Unspoken to Explicit: What Gets Missed
Here are some of the most common areas where psychological contracts pop up without being clearly defined:
“We value flexibility.” >>> Is that flexi-hours? Flexi-location? What are the limits?
“We expect high performance.” >>> Does that mean long hours, meeting KPIs, or innovation?
“We trust our people.” >>> Does trust mean no micromanagement? No check-ins?
“You’re empowered to lead.” >>> To what extent? Budget decisions? Hiring power?
“Teamwork is essential here.” >>> Does that mean collaboration, or being constantly available?
Without explicit clarification, these phrases can mean wildly different things to different people.
How to Turn Assumptions into Agreements
Here’s how leaders can create shared understanding—and stronger teams—by moving from assumptions to clear, kind agreements.
1. Spot the Unspoken
Start by paying attention to moments of frustration, confusion, or passive-aggressive behaviour in your team. These are often signs that psychological contracts are clashing.
Ask yourself:
- Is there an expectation here that hasn’t been clearly stated?
- Have we ever discussed or agreed on what this means?
It can also be helpful to ask your team: “Are there any expectations you think we’ve never actually talked about, but we all assume to be true?” You’ll be amazed at what comes up.
2. Open the Conversation
Bring these assumptions into the light in a safe, blame-free way. You might say:
“I realised we all seem to agree that being on time matters—but I suspect we might each mean something slightly different. Can we take five minutes to define what ‘on time’ looks like for us?”
Keep the tone curious, not critical. You’re not catching people out—you’re creating clarity and shared ownership.
3. Define, Don’t Dictate
Once the conversation is open, invite everyone to contribute. Ask:
- What does this expectation mean to you?
- What would “good” look like in practice?
- What’s realistic for us as a team?
Then, work together to write down a clear, simple statement that reflects the team’s shared understanding. It doesn’t have to be overly formal—just something everyone agrees on.
For example:
“Being ‘on time’ in our team means ready to start meetings or work by the agreed start time, not just arriving at that time.”
4. Write It Down
This step is crucial. Writing things down removes ambiguity. It gives people something to refer back to, especially when things get busy or tense.
You might include these clarified expectations in:
- A team charter or “ways of working” document
- Onboarding materials for new team members
- Shared communication platforms (e.g., a pinned post in Teams or Slack)
This also models the behaviour you want: transparency, accountability, and care.
5. Review and Refresh Regularly
Teams evolve. People come and go. Workloads shift. So should your agreements.
- Schedule regular check-ins (e.g. quarterly) to ask:
- Are these expectations still working for us?
- Are they being followed?
- Do we need to update anything?
Making this a habit reinforces trust and psychological safety. It tells your team: we don’t just assume—we agree, together.
Final Thoughts
When workplace expectations are left unspoken, even the best intentions can lead to conflict, confusion, and disconnection.
But when we slow down, clarify what we mean, and turn assumptions into written agreements, we build trust. We reduce tension. We get better outcomes—because everyone knows where they stand and what’s expected.
And let’s be honest—most of us would rather spend less time second-guessing and more time doing meaningful work.
So, next time you catch yourself thinking “I thought we’d already agreed on that,” pause and ask: Was it ever actually discussed? Or did we just assume?
Your future self—and your team—will thank you.
