Intent vs Impact – How to communicate better

Do you wish your team would communicate more effectively?

“But I didn’t mean it like that”: Why Intent Will Always Come Second to Impact in Workplace Communication

One of the most common phrases I hear in workplaces when conflict or misunderstanding arises is: “But that’s not what I meant.”

I believe them. Most people don’t go around intentionally upsetting their colleagues or derailing a conversation. Their intentions are good: they want to give feedback, express a concern, make a suggestion, or simply get things done.

But here’s the hard truth:
Intent isn’t what shapes our relationships at work. It’s the impact of our words and actions that people remember.

Why does this matter?
Because if you’re in a leadership role, the way you communicate has a ripple effect. It influences how your team engages, how safe they feel to speak up, how quickly misunderstandings get resolved, and how effectively you all work together under pressure.

In short: how you communicate impacts productivity, morale, and the overall health of your workplace culture.

Let’s break this down a little further—and then look at what leaders can do about it.

 

The Difference Between Intent and Impact

Intent is internal. It’s what we meant to say, do, or express.
Impact is external. It’s how our words or actions are received by others.

The gap between the two can be surprisingly wide—especially when stress, deadlines, tone of voice, or digital communication gets in the way.

Here’s a simple example:

• You send a short message to a team member: “Please fix this.”
• Your intent: quick, efficient feedback.
• Their experience: “Are they annoyed with me? Did I mess this up badly? What did I do wrong?”

Now you have a team member spiralling, second-guessing themselves, and possibly becoming more hesitant to take initiative—all because a simple message was missing clarity and care.

You didn’t mean to do that. But that’s the impact.

Saying “I didn’t mean it like that” doesn’t help

When someone is hurt, confused or offended by something we’ve said, responding with “I didn’t mean it like that” can unintentionally dismiss their experience.

It centres your experience instead of acknowledging theirs. It can come across as defensive, even if it’s well-meaning.

What builds trust instead is saying:

• “Thanks for telling me how that landed with you.”
• “That wasn’t my intention, but I can see how it came across that way.”
• “Let’s talk about it so we’re on the same page.”

It’s about listening with curiosity rather than reacting with defensiveness.

Why This Matters Even More in Leadership

When you’re in a position of leadership, your words carry more weight—whether you intend them to or not.

A casual comment might be taken as a directive. A short reply might be interpreted as disapproval. A lack of response might be read as indifference.

That’s why leaders need to be especially aware of the gap between intent and impact. You don’t need to be perfect, but you do need to be willing to own the impact of your communication—and adjust if needed.

The good news? Clear, considerate communication isn’t hard. It’s a skill, and like any skill, it can be learned and practised.

Practical Strategies to Close the Gap Between Intent and Impact

1. Communicate with clarity, not assumption
Avoid vague or ambiguous statements, especially when giving feedback or setting expectations.

Instead of: “Can you sort this out?”  try:  “I noticed the formatting on the client presentation was inconsistent. Can you please align it with our usual template by 3pm today? Let me know if you need support.”

Why it works: It gives context, clarity, a deadline, and support—all of which reduce guesswork and tension.

2. Slow down when it matters most
When we’re under pressure, our brains default to speed and efficiency. But some moments call for care, not haste.

Before sending an email or giving feedback: Take a breath. Re-read your message through the lens of how it might be received.

Ask yourself: “If I were them, how would this feel?”.   This pause can save hours of confusion or repair later.

3. Check for shared understanding
Don’t assume someone has interpreted your message the way you intended.

Instead, try: “Just to check—we’re on the same page for tomorrow’s deadline, right?” or  “How does that sound to you?” or  “What are you taking away from this conversation?”

These are simple ways to make sure your message landed well—and to create space for dialogue if it didn’t.

4. Respond, don’t react
If someone gives you feedback about how your message came across, it’s natural to feel defensive. But leadership isn’t about being flawless. It’s about being accountable.

Instead of reacting with: “Well, that’s not what I meant!” Try:  “Thanks for telling me. I can see now how that might have come across, and I’ll be more mindful next time.”

This builds trust and psychological safety—two essentials for high-performing teams.

5. Choose your words with care
Some words trigger defensiveness, even if your intent is good. For example:

“Why didn’t you…?” → can feel accusatory
“You should have…” → can feel blaming
“Obviously…” → can feel condescending

Instead, use words that invite collaboration:

“Can we talk through what happened?”
“Next time, what might work better?”
“Let’s figure this out together.”

6. Own your impact and repair when needed
You will get it wrong sometimes. That’s human. What matters is how you respond.

If you realise something you said caused harm or confusion:

Acknowledge it.
Apologise sincerely (without over-explaining).
Ask how you can make it right.

Saying “I got that wrong” doesn’t diminish your authority. It strengthens your credibility.

Final Thoughts

Communication isn’t just about transmitting information. It’s about connection, and shared understanding.

And connection doesn’t come from getting your message out—it comes from making sure it lands the way you intended.

If you want a workplace that is calm under pressure, free from unnecessary conflict, and full of people who feel heard and respected, it starts with this one mindset shift:

My responsibility isn’t just to mean well—it’s to communicate well.

Intent matters. But impact shapes everything.

 

If YOUR team could benefit from enhanced communication, I can help with powerful training solutions to help them communicate more effectively.

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